if a world ends

more than all worlds begin to(see?)begin

. . .

I love E.E. Cummings.

. . .

I had no idea that I hadn't posted in December at ALL until today! sorry! I just survived an awful week, but now I'm at the Moulin and things are great. My train ended up being over 2 hours late because of snow, so I didn't get here until 1:30 (am). I went straight to bed (in the Barbara Streisand room, although not in her bed. I love mine all the same:)


I didn't wake up til late Friday, and then Bernard and I went shopping in Saumur for Christmas presents. We went to the village for dinner - Pascal made a pot au feu that was so goood. We had good wine too, of course. It was so fun to hang out with them all again...we sat in front of the fire and talked and hung out with the animals. Ricky (I think?) and Albert were cuddling...ADORABLE:


The Moulin is cold but beautiful...most of the snow has stuck around since Thursday, and I think it might snow again tomorrow. This is the view out my bedroom window:


So different than it was in the summer! In the back, the river is partly frozen over, and it's funny to watch the ducks bob around in the water and then try to walk on the ice. Sometimes they fall through.

. . .

Ok so about the end of November and the beginning of December... Thanksgiving was fun. We had carrots, green beans, and mashed potatoes (which were all very good) and turkey cooked in white wine...which was good despite the fact that it tasted almost exclusively like white wine. The apple "crumble" for dessert was actually more like flan + apples + caramel sauce (not at all what I expected) but also tasty.

I finally took some pictures of things and people in Montpellier that are important to me:

Carthage Milk!!!

Date pastry I got at Carthage Milk the other day...apparently made from the same thing couscous is made from. huh! very delicious once I got over the slightly surprising texture.

Part of the UNC group having a pastry party. mmmm. I'm going to miss boulangeries & patisseries :( From L to R, Jillian, Mandy, Kathleen (who had already eaten her tiny pastry), me, Bonnie, and Ali.

Me and my neighbors!! The two kids are the ones I did English with for an hour every week...they are adorable. I love their family. They invited me over for dinner my last Friday in Montpellier and we had such a fun evening. From L to R, Adele, Oscar, Sarah, me, and Hubert.

Me and Roseline at the UNC end-of-semester soiree this week. I think it's one of the few photos I have with her. It's just weird to take pictures of or with someone you live with, you know? It's okay though.

. . .

Life is good.

Time's a strange fellow

He gives more than he takes (and he takes all)

. . .

[I wrote this on the train Thursday on my way here, but this is the first chance I've had to post it]

. . .

I’m writing this on the train… I said goodbye to Roseline, my host mom, this afternoon and got on the train (barely!) to go to Saumur. I’m spending my last few days in France back at the Moulin. I’m so excited! It was snowing when we stopped in Lyon, which is much farther south than the Loire Valley, so I’m hoping it’s snowing when I arrive…that would be so perfect.

But so about how I almost missed the train… this week has been hell for me. I don’t think I’ve gotten so little sleep so many nights in a row in a long time. Yes, it’s partly because I procrastinated, but it doesn’t help that it was almost all assigned in the last few weeks of the semester. Gotta love that French system. Anyway, so I STILL had one more thing to finish this morning (dissertation on nuclear waste, anyone?) in addition to packing and running errands. I got it all done but it ended with me dragging my suitcases down the four flights of stairs of my building and freaking out the whole tram ride to the train station. I was already mostly convinced I was going to miss my train and was overheated and trembling [SIDE NOTE: there is the most adorable baby a few rows ahead of me in the train: he looks constantly extremely surprised and/or overwhelmed with joy] so I was trembling and freaking out already and then some guys next to me on the tram started playing a violin/accordion duet of “Flight of the Bumblebee” …yes, thank you, that does help my nerves. (Did I just say that? am I 94?) When I got to the station, I composté-ed my billet, by which I mean my ticket, and did my best to run down the stairs and then back up to get to my correct platform….my two somewhat heavy suitcases made that a little hard, though, but thankfully two very nice French men carried them for me. I started to get on the train in the wrong car, which isn’t usually a problem because you can walk between cars, except that not this time. So then I had to try to figure out where to go and I was really convinced it was going to leave while I was standing there, which would have been so unacceptable. I stopped at one door and tried to figure out what car it was – the electric screen that is supposed to indicate the car number and destination of the train was conveniently off – and this guy standing in the doorway said “oh, this is car 5.” PERFECT, finally. My seat is in car 5. When he told me that I just wanted to hug him, but then it got better, because he opened the door for me (it wouldn’t let me in the car) and helped me with my bags. Now, this might seem like what we would call a Boyfriend in Montpellier – a guy who will do anything to get your attention – but it was different for some reason, i.e. that he was just being nice. After I got settled on the train and my heart rate was no longer 200 bpm, I thought about it: was he aware of how much of a difference he made in my afternoon? It gives me a new presence of mind when I interact with strangers.

So apparently our train is going to be an hour late, I think because of the snow?? Six and a half hours on a train is long, but snow would probably be worth it.

Know what’s weird? I’m coming home on Tuesday. Home! I’ve been in France for 6 months, which seems short and long at the same time. I kind of feel like a grown up who’s been away at a new job location and is now flying home for Christmas. Like a movie, or something. Several people here have asked me if I can imagine living in France and I don’t really know what to say, I guess cus I…am? I realized today that it was hard for me to answer because I already feel like I really am living here, not just taking classes in French and eating croissants. So, in answer to their question: yes, I would absolutely live in France [again]. At the same time, though, and I don’t really know why, I don’t feel like Montpellier is my city. Not in a possessive sense but in a mutual sense…like Montpellier and I don’t need each other. Don’t get me wrong – there are a lot of things I love in Montpellier, but I…just don’t really feel any attachment to the city itself like I’m attached to the Moulin, Chapel Hill, Raleigh… I’m so glad I’m spending my last few days in France at the Moulin! It’ll be all the things I love about France – the beautiful countryside, good food, good wine, lively discussions en francais, and entertaining characters. And hopefully snow!

I’ll be home for less than two days, and then we’re flying up to Washington to spend Christmas with family, which I’m so excited about. Then I’ll be in Raleigh for a little less than two weeks, and then back to Chapel Hill! I’m so excited about being back at UNC, but it seems like I have so little time at home. I’m going to do my best to make the most of it.